A For Alex

Since I made the decision to postpone CFA Level 2 (assuming I pass Level 1) by a year to 2009, I’ve felt free and my mind is brimming over with things that I want to do. Quite definitely going to learn French (just cos) and I’m thinking of taking enrichment classes at NAFA or maybe a photography course… Learn tennis perhaps? Haha, it’s going be a surfeit of extracurricular activities. And it’s only until I don’t have the time to do the things I want to that I crave for that extra time.

On another note, it’s ironic that I’ll be travelling for fun more now than when I was in school. I’m going Hong Kong next month, probable KL trip with my colleagues, Hanoi with Shu and Japan/India in December. Whee! All this travelling with only 7.5 days of leave. I’m good.

Planning for me is something of a compulsion; there’s a definite appeal in drawing up list after to-do list to firstly, get your life in order and make sure things gets done, and secondly, because nothing quite beats the satisfaction of checking off the box next to the item on your list. Then when you’re done with your list, you can sit back contentedly, admire the check marks and grin to yourself. Haha.

This pre-work break I’ve already drawn up lists for music to buy, places I want to travel to, people I want to meet, as well as the unfortunately necessary lists of what to study for CFA this week and the next 20+ weeks to come. *sob. My list-making talents have even been called upon by my cousin, who now has a complete study plan from this week until the prelims in Aug/Sept, complete with cross referencing between lists of what needs to be covered, when she’ll cover them and when she’ll take her breaks.

It’s funny that while I see the need for discipline in life and having things under control, I also appreciate the thrill of spontaneity, to chuck everything and just do something unplanned. Routine can be comforting, like knowing that you’ll see your bf/gf every Friday because there’s that certainty that somethings don’t change or that a meet-up with him/her goes without saying; but at the same time, I’ve wished for someone to place the demands and rigour of what needs to be done aside, to make me place all of my stuff aside and whisk me off to have an unplanned, unscheduled, totally impromptu rendezvous together. Haha maybe that’s something hopelessly romantic in theory, but in practice I’d probably be slightly annoyed that he didn’t consider my busy schedule.

This conflict between doing what I need to and what I want to probably isn’t going to end, but I’m trying to learn to be more flexible. Travelling to NY was good practice because I spent hours planning what I’d like to see and eat, and yet when I was there, because we’re in a group, I had to remind myself that this was after all a holiday, not some fulfilment of yet another checklist, let go of the plans and see where the wind takes you. As in many areas of my life, I’m still work-in-progress but I’ll try to be more easy-going and allow myself some deviation from plan. I’ll put that as the first item on my to-do list.

"How can a woman be expected to be happy with a man who insists on treating her as if she were a perfectly normal human being." ~Oscar Wilde

Sounds so romantic and at first thought, it’d be nice to find someone who thinks the world of me and puts me on a pedestal above other mere mortals. But I remembered a conversation I had with a friend, about this guy who thinks I’m the perfect woman…  I’d rather have someone who sees my imperfections but loves me all the same, instead of imagining perfection and ending up sorely disappointed.

the truth is.. there’s nothing as precious to me as knowing You. The things of this world grow strangely dim, and I pray they’ll grow increasingly dim as I seek more of You.

I’m a mere jar of clay - fallible, imperfect - but in Your grace, You use me and make me Your servant. Thank You for You, for Your perfect love that comes to me though I’m wholly undeserving of Your love and though You were wholly undeserving of death on a Cross. My life is Yours and I love You.

yesterday was my last day of class as an undergraduate. it just hits so starkly that it’s the end of one phase of my life and i’m moving on to actually becoming an adult. more than some arbitrary change in age to becoming 21, adulthood is so much more real because i’m going to be working. so yesterday was filled with more than a trace of melancholy, looking back at the past two decades with many smiles and much wistfulness. goodbye to long summer holidays and carefree days…

the melancholy nearly got to me when my strategy professor was so sweet and wrapped up the class and course yesterday by saying best of luck to all of us and that she hopes we can stay in touch. had my last project presentation in school and while we totally kicked ass, the overwhelming "last-ness" of everything pervaded. i think it’s also because you end with such little fanfare when it seems that the last day of school deserves more. the melancholy faded when i went for a beer with two of my marketing group mates at school’s ice cold beer cos i got giggly with the alcohol haha. it was nice chilling the afternoon away with friends…

white elephants make for interesting dinners.

the thomson muggers met for a long overdue meet up at Colbar… it was nice hearing from H and I and talking much like how we used to.. i’m glad that we can still laugh together… that feeling of comfortability really can’t be replaced. we sat on the fabulous tyre swing then went to alexandra village for avocade+whiskey+chocolate, soursop+strawberry, luohanguo+waterchestnut+xxx drinks..

my only question is: can anyone remember the TM cheer?

Alex the dismally erratic blogger is back.

i’m glad for friends. not that anything earth shattering has happened lately, but it’s nice to have people who cheer you on and feel genuinely happy when you’re doing well. in the past few months, i realise the importance of having people to share your life with, to share every high and low, someone to call when something great or disastrous happens, just to have someone know and to have that someone to care. someone to give a shit about you. i thought that i lost someone who really cared for me, but through it, i realise that i’ve got so many more people who care too. in particular, i’m really so thankful for auntie em. our relationship is finally transitioning from the rough times during my teens into a friendship and i’m happy to go home and know that she’s going to want to hear what i have to say.

thank God that He hears me always, and also, for my job. Whenever i think about the position i’m just so overwhelmed about how in every way possible, much like if i had a checklist, the job He’s blessed me with meets every requirement. it’s not that i didn’t believe that He would provide, but i’m still appreciative of His faithfulness and provision. He loves me so well. really do want to work on my relationship with Him, that beyond all the things that He blesses me with, I want to seek Him for Him.